


The Fear of Falling Apart

by literally_no_idea



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Child Abuse, Don't copy to another site, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Food Issues, Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Medical Experimentation, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Waterboarding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-10-24 01:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17694986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_no_idea/pseuds/literally_no_idea
Summary: Tony Stark is accidentally de-aged while trying to work on a new technology. The rest of the Avengers try to find a cure, and have to take care of this younger Tony in the process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have 11 oneshot fanfic drafts in the works, a larger series in progress, and a bunch of ideas for even more oneshots, longer stories, and series, as well as this story, not to mention any ideas for original works I've got.
> 
> I'm a little overwhelmed about the logistics of my series right now, so here's the first chapter of this for the moment. Wish a writer with too many ideas and not enough energy some luck, I think I'm gonna need it.

It starts as an experiment gone wrong.   
  
Tony's been tinkering with trying to incorporate alien technology into current human technology as a way to enhance performance, something that is undeniably dangerous, and he's been as careful as he can possibly be. Regardless of safety precautions, he can't prepare for everything, and things take a turn for the worse. He notices the change immediately, but he doesn't have enough time to react before the resulting blast throws him off his feet, his back hitting the concrete wall of the lab. He slides to the floor, thinking, that wasn't as bad as it could have been, only seconds before he passes out.   
  
——   
  
“-ony. Tony, wake up!”   
  
Tony blinks awake to dark brown eyes in his face, and immediately scrambles back, then onto his feet, eyes focused on the ground in front of him and hands behind his back, the only posture he knows will please his father while also hiding how bad his hands are shaking. Words stutter out of his throat before he can even process them.   
  
“Sorry sir, I really didn’t mean to fall asleep, I promise it won’t happen again, and I don’t know what I was thinking, and I know that’s not an excuse, and I’m really sorry, it won’t happen again—“   
  
“Tony, shut up for a second!”   
  
He flinches, waits for the inevitable hit, or at least the list of new punishment tasks he’ll need to complete by dinner, and fuck, there’s no way he’ll be able to finish these tasks either, but nothing happens. There’s absolute silence, and eventually Tony can’t wait anymore, even if it means more punishment than normal.   
  
“S-Sir?”   
  
He still doesn’t look up, but this time he hears his father take a deep breath, and shit, that isn’t good.   
  
  
“Tony, it’s okay,” his father says, and wait, that is definitely not his father. Tony’s head snaps up, and the man in front of him takes a half step back, hand instinctively reaching for the gun on his belt before dropping back to his side.   
  
Soldier maybe? Tony thinks, looking the man up and down silently. Short blond hair, dark brown eyes, tight black shirt, a literal quiver of arrows and a bow over his shoulder, fingerless black gloves, black fatigue pants, and black shoes. Definitely some kind of soldier, Tony confirms, and then he notices the whole group of people standing behind the man, and his mind blanks out again.   
  
He’s just starting to size each of them up when a bright blue and red outfit catches his eye, and he pales, forcing himself to confirm what he already knows. Captain America.   
  
The man in front of him reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder, but Tony ducks out of his reach, deciding that even if it gets him in trouble later, he needs more information to work with.   
  
“What is this? Who are you all? What did I do wrong? Did my dad send me here? Send you all here?”   
  
Captain America frowns, and now he’s done it, he’s screwed.   
  
"Tony, no one sent us here, and your father's dead, he can't have sent us," Captain America says, and Tony's heart almost stutters to a stop, whether from fear or joy, he isn't sure.   
  
"My... my father's gone? But... then why am I here? Why are you here? Was it my fault? Did I get my father killed? I-I didn't mean to, and, and I know you were close, and I'm really sorry, Captain America, sir, I didn't mean to, please forgive me, I, I'm just kind of an idiot, and I do things without thinking and I know that's irresponsible, and I've been trying, I promise, but I just, I don't know, I don't know what's wrong with me, and... and I should shut up, I'm talking too much, I'm sorry sir."   
  
Tony directs his attention solely at Captain America, because if he's here then he must be the one in charge, and if there's one thing Tony knows, it's that he doesn't want to upset Captain America, or, at least no more than he already has. He lowers his eyes back to the floor, because it makes him look more apologetic, and it somehow makes it less painful when the inevitable punishment comes, but once again, nothing happens, except for a few sharp inhales across the group in front of him.   
  
"Tony-" Captain America starts, but another voice cuts him off.   
  
"Christ, Steve, shut the fuck up. The kid's terrified, and terrified of you, and you're not helping by constantly cutting him off and telling him that people he knows are dead."   
  
"But I'm trying-"   
  
"I know what you're trying to do, but the kid doesn't. So shut up, Steve."   
  
Silence, and then heavy footsteps come into Tony's view, a subtle creak of metal as the person kneels down to face him. The man's hair covers part of his face, and he reaches a metal hand up to tuck it behind his ear.    
  
"Hey kid," the man says softly, "I'm Bucky. You're Tony, right? How old are you?"   
  
Tony fidgets, but doesn't move. If this man had wanted to hurt him, he already could have by now, but Bucky shows no signs of trying to grab or touch him, so Tony figures he must be safe, at least for the moment.   
  
"I'm not a kid, I'm four years old," he says, voice barely above a whisper, and Bucky nods.   
  
"Okay, that's fair. Sorry I've been calling you a kid. So, do you know where you are?"   
  
Tony shakes his head. He'd gotten a brief glance at the room when he was looking at the first man, but none of it looks familiar.   
  
"Okay. Do you want me to explain who we are, where we are, and why we're all here?"   
  
Tony doesn't answer the question. He wants to say yes, wants to know as much about what's happening as possible, but he doesn't want to sound rude, or demanding, or stupid, and the best answer to any question is almost always silence, because it's a lot harder to be wrong that way. When a few minutes pass without an answer, Bucky speaks again.   
  
"I'd like to tell you what's going, if you're willing to listen. Can I give you the answers to those questions? Sometimes it helps me think through what's happening as well."   
  
Deciding that it's not selfish if it helps Bucky, Tony nods.   
  
"Okay. We're in a workshop in the Avengers Tower. The workshop is actually one of yours. We think you were working on a new technology, and somehow turned yourself four years old again. We are in the year 2018. Everyone in this room, including you, is part of the Avengers team, a team of heroes meant to protect Earth. This building, Avengers Tower, was originally named Stark Tower, and it's your own building. You renamed it when you made separate floors for each of the Avengers to live on. Can you repeat back to me what I've told you so far?"   
  
"It's 2018. This is a workshop, in a building that... that I made? It was named after me, but now it's named after a group of heroes," Tony summarizes.   
  
"Exactly, thank you. Can I introduce you to everyone in the room?" Bucky asks, and Tony nods, looking up when Bucky starts to point out the people in the room.   
  
"That's Clint, he's the first person that spoke to you. He's also called Hawkeye. He's a human with great marksmanship, particularly with a bow and arrow." Clint nods in greeting, and Tony nods back, hoping that's the appropriate response to give.   
  
"That's Natasha, also a human, but with years of training and expertise as a spy and assassin. Also called Black Widow." Natasha nods, the same way Clint did.   
  
"That's Bruce, a human and scientist. He had a mishap with gamma radiation, and sometimes he turns into Hulk, a large green monster." Bruce raises a hand in a small wave, quiet in a way that makes Tony wonder how he could ever become something large and dangerous.   
  
"That's Thor, Norse god of thunder. Don't know what else I can say there." Thor smiles and waves, and Tony notes the hammer in his other hand, wonders what it can do.   
  
"And that's Steve, or Captain America. You seem to already recognize him though," Bucky says, watching as Tony flinches and looks back at the ground in front of him. "Can I tell you anything else?"   
  
Tony hesitates, his voice barely above a whisper when he answers. "What... what about me? You said everyone in the room is an Avenger, but..."   
  
"Yeah, you're one too. Tony Stark, human, also known as Iron Man. You've created multiple suits that you wear into battle, that can do anything from flying to blasting to analyzing battle logistics." Tony looks up to meet Bucky's eyes for the first time, shaking his head.   
  
"That's impossible. I'm not... I've never done anything that good," Tony says, and Bucky's face just looks sad.   
  
"You have done something that good. You've done a lot of somethings that good. Hell, you fixed my arm for me," Bucky says, gesturing at his metal arm.   
  
Tony's about to reply with at least a hundred reasons why Bucky's wrong when his stomach growls, and he flinches instinctively at the noise, at the fact that he's just shown an easily exploitable weakness.   
  
"Are you hungry?" Bucky asks, and Tony shrugs.   
  
"I'm- It's fine. I'm okay, really," he says, and Bucky sighs.   
  
"Well, I can't make you eat, but I'm hungry, and I'm willing to bet everyone else is too. Will you come join us for dinner?" Bucky asks, and Tony nods.   
  
"Yeah, okay. As long as it's not too much trouble," he adds quickly, and Bucky shakes his head.   
  
"Nah, no trouble at all. Let's go, I'm pretty sure there's some pizza or something on the group floor."


	2. Chapter 2

Getting Tony to eat proves to be harder than Bucky thought.

 

The kid’s scared, that much is obvious. He’s polite, but too reserved for it to be interpreted as anything other than a trained fear response. He’s got a lot to say, but the fact that so far it's been mostly pleading for mercy tells Bucky that there has to be some trauma there.

 

Before the war, when Bucky and Steve were growing up, Bucky remembers rescuing Steve from fights with bullies who would pick on kids with trauma like this, kids with low enough self-worth to not fight back, to just whimper and take the beating rather than risk more pain.

 

When they reach the communal floor, Tony waits until everyone else exists the elevator, then quietly pads over to the kitchen entryway, keeping himself tucked under the counter enough to prevent himself from blocking the entrance in any way. Bucky tries to shake the image of a kicked puppy out of his head, opening the fridge.

 

“We’ve got cheese, pepperoni, something with a ton of stuff, and something with pineapple, because  _ someone _ is absolutely disgusting.”

 

“Rude!” Clint yells from where he’s already plopped on the big couch in the living room area, “Pineapple on pizza is a blessing and you know it!”

 

Tony is still hiding under the counter, and Bucky leans around the fridge door to look at him. “Ignore him. Which of those sound good to you?”

 

“Cheese is fine,” Tony whispers, and Bucky smiles in a way he hopes is comforting.

 

“Sure thing. You can go sit in the living room if you'd like, or there’s a dining room with a table past this kitchen, or there's some chairs beside you at that counter too.”

 

Bucky starts reheating pizza in one of the microwaves while the others gather around the fridge, everyone picking their dinner, and Tony pulls himself up to sit in a chair at the counter, watching them all.

 

When Bucky sets the pizza in front of him, Tony opens his mouth but shuts it just as quickly, as if he doesn't have permission to say or ask anything. Despite himself, Bucky secretly thinks he’s grateful that he killed Howard when he was still the Soldier.

 

“You can say or ask anything you want, Tony. No one will be mad at you, especially not me. In fact, it would make me feel better if you said what’s on your mind. I spent a lot of my life not being able to say or do what I wanted, and you deserve better than that."

 

Tony hesitates like he doesn't believe it, but his curiosity seems to win. “I… how do I pay you back? For the food?”

 

Bucky’s saved from trying to choke out an answer when Clint yells from the living room.

 

“Get in here Borky, we’re choosing a movie!”

 

When they enter the living room, everyone is spread out across the couches and chairs, and Natasha motions to the other two seats of her couch for Tony and Bucky to take. Tony tucks himself into the corner, so Bucky takes the middle seat.

 

“We’re thinking something old school, maybe Dumbo or Bambi? Tony, any thoughts?” Clint says, and Tony frowns.

 

“Those are movies for little kids. I haven’t watched those. My dad says I gotta try to use my brain for something useful, so I usually watch a lot of mechanical engineering project films. They're really cool,” Tony says proudly, but quickly shrinks back when he takes in everyone’s expressions. “B-But, I have been trying to watch more advanced physics videos instead,” he tries, and he visibly flinches when Clint jumps to his feet, walking out of the room towards the elevators.

 

The clock ticks out 20 seconds before Steve speaks. “Tony, that's not really what kids your age are supposed to be watching,” he says, and Tony seems to curl in on himself even more.

 

“I-I’m sorry, I, I didn't mean to say the wrong thing, I mean, I’m just kind of stupid, and I’m not very strong, so I can't actually do anything useful like most kids, and--”

 

“No, that's not the point!” Steve interrupts, and Bucky hears Tony’s breathing stutter.

 

“Shut up, Steve,” Bucky says, and Steve glares at him.

 

“Buck, there's no way you think that's normal for--”

 

“Steve, shut up! You need to leave. Now,” Bucky says, meeting Steve’s glare with a glare of his own, and it’s enough that Steve actually stops.

 

“Fine.” Steve storms out, and Bucky turns back to Tony, who is now crying silently beside him. 

 

Bucky doesn't try to touch him; he knows the effect that touch can have when you’ve gone through trauma. Instead, he sets his hand on the couch between them and whispers Tony’s name to try and get his attention, but Tony seems to be lost in his own mind.

 

“I made Captain America upset. I didn't, I didn't mean to, do you think he hates me? I, I should apologize, I, I can't believe I’m so stupid, I, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I--”

 

“Hey Tony,” Bruce says softly from the other side of the room, and Tony’s head snaps up, eyes wide. “Do you think you could help me? I’ve been working on some calculations for a project, but I’m not all that good at numbers. Do you know how to calculate kinetic energy?”

 

Tony nods slowly, and Bruce smiles. “Awesome. Come join me? I’ll get some paper, and we can do some schematics at the table together.” Bruce stands and heads towards the dining room and Tony climbs off the couch, trailing a few feet behind him. 

 

Crisis averted, Bucky sighs, sliding sideways to lay across the couch with his feet by Natasha, who pats his ankles sympathetically. As he raises his arms to cover his face, Bucky hears the elevator doors whoosh open, followed by a crinkling of bags and Clint’s voice grumbling quietly. The elevator doors whoosh shut again.

 

“Whoa,” Clint’s voice says, “What went wrong since I left?”

 

Bucky just groans in reply.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back again! Sorry it took so long for this update. I'll hopefully update more frequently from now on. Enjoy!

When it's time for bed, Bucky offers to take Tony to his room, and no one protests, so Tony and Bucky take the elevator up to Tony’s floor. They walk together in silence, and it’s only after the door to Tony’s room closes behind them that Tony turns to Bucky, whispering a question as if he's still not sure that questions are allowed.

 

“Why is Captain America mad at me? I just, I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't want to upset him again.”

 

Bucky sighs. “Look, it wasn't you. I mean, what you said made him sad, okay? And Steve’s a complete dumbass, and he doesn't know how to talk to people without doing the ‘Captain America is disappointed in you’ voice, which is so annoying, but it's just because he's an awkward punk in a large body now, and he hasn't learned to chill out yet,” Bucky says, walking over to plop himself down on the foot of Tony’s unreasonably large bed, with Tony watching him curiously.

 

“You knew Captain America from before?” Tony asks, and Bucky really doesn’t want to talk about it, so he tries to change the conversation.

 

“Yeah, I did. Hey, do you think you could take a bath before you go to bed? I don’t know how long it’s been since adult you took one, so it might not be a bad idea.”

 

Tony nods. “Okay.” Bucky watches as Tony goes into the bathroom, then comes back out a moment later, blushing bright red. “I can’t reach the knob,” Tony says quietly, and Bucky stands, tries to smile in a way he hopes is comforting.

 

“No worries, I’ve got it.” Bucky follows Tony into the bathroom, frowning when he sees the shower but no tub. He could have sworn that Tony would be the kind of person who takes ridiculously fancy baths, so this is weird. “Why is there no tub? JARVIS?” Bucky asks, because he can’t help it, he wants to know.

 

“I’m afraid I can’t give you that information without Sir’s permission,” JARVIS answers from the ceiling, and Tony looks up, wide eyed.

 

“Jarvis? Is that you? Where are you?”

 

“Good evening, Sir. I am not Edwin Jarvis, I am an AI you created later in life to resemble the man himself.”

 

Tony spends another minute staring at the ceiling in disbelief before flinching, looking at Bucky like he’s just remembered the man was there. “Uh, JARVIS, you can tell him,” he says, and there’s a pause like the AI isn’t sure whether or not to answer, but the answer eventually comes.

 

“Sir had the bathtub in his room removed after his return from Afghanistan. He also programmed the shower to avoid his face as much as possible.”

 

It takes Bucky a moment to process that, and when he does, it’s all he can do to stay calm. Stark was waterboarded? And he never even told anyone? Does SHIELD even know, or has Stark just been dealing with his PTSD without talking to anyone? Bucky doesn’t know what to do with this information, and he’s trying not to be mad but seriously, is Stark even more unreasonable than Steve? He can’t just “man up” his way through trauma, that’s not how this shit works.

 

Bucky takes a deep breath, and turns to Tony, who’s staring at him with a look somewhere between concern and fear. “Hey kid, what JARVIS just said makes me pretty worried. I’m not mad at you, I’m just concerned, but I think I’m going to need some space to breathe. I’ll send Natasha to come help you, if that’s okay.”

 

Tony looks like he’s going to cry, but he nods, so Bucky goes with it because he really, really can’t stay, or he’s going to make things worse. He leaves the room, stepping out just as Natasha approaches, frowning.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asks, and Bucky does his best to keep his voice low, in case Tony is listening to them.

 

“What do you know about what happened to him? In Afghanistan?”

 

Natasha shakes her head. “Not much. He wasn’t very willing to share, and then he had palladium poisoning, so that became the more prominent issue. Obviously he has the trauma from the arc reactor, and the kidnapping itself, but that’s all I know. Why?”

 

“I think he was waterboarded. JARVIS says he removed the tub in his bathroom after he came back, and he programmed the water to avoid his face.”

 

Natasha lets out a string of colorful words. “I had no idea. Which means that there’s a lot we don’t know about Tony, and his trauma history. Get everybody on the communal floor, I’ll come down and meet you once Tony’s in bed. We’re going to need to pool our knowledge to try and help him.”

 

Bucky nods, and he takes the elevator to the communal floor, where everyone is already gathered anyway. Steve is back, and everyone’s sitting around the dining room table, no one saying a word, just staring at the table or at the walls.

 

Bucky takes a seat beside Steve, and they wait for Natasha to join them. It takes about half an hour for her to come down, and she looks positively drained when she sits down beside Clint.

 

“So, we need to figure out what our plan is from here. We need a way to get Tony back to normal, we need to figure out what we do with him in the meantime, and we need to know what we should expect while he’s this age.”

 

Everyone turns to look at Steve, who shakes his head. “I have no idea. I’m sorry, but I don’t have a plan here. I still can’t figure out why Tony won’t even look at me.”

 

“His dad compared him to you constantly when he was a kid,” Bruce says, and every head snaps around to look at him instead.

 

Bruce shrugs. “We work together sometimes, either in Tony’s workshop or my lab. He occasionally talks to himself when he works. Look, we’re going to want to call Rhodey and Pepper. They know him better than any of us do. JARVIS, are you able to tell us anything about Tony’s past, or would that be something that Tony would have to give permission for?”

 

“I’m afraid that would all be private information and would require Sir’s permission to share.”

 

Bruce nods. “That makes sense. JARVIS, can you contact Pepper and Rhodey? Tell them that Tony needs them?”

 

“Of course, Dr. Banner.”

 

“Thanks.” Bruce looks between Natasha, Bucky, and Clint. “You three are all spies of one kind or another. I’m sure you all have ideas about four year old Tony’s behavior. Now would be the time to share.”

 

Natasha and Clint hesitate, so Bucky goes first. “He obviously has trauma around Steve. He sees Steve as some kind of extreme authority figure, one that he’s terrified of offending. He assumes that everything comes at a cost, even food, and he thinks that being held to unattainable standards is normal.”

 

Natasha goes next. “He doesn’t seem to remember any of his trauma from after four years old, so anything he remembers right now is something he experience at or before his current age. He’s been emotionally abused, but I don’t think he’s been physically abused. That doesn’t make his trauma any less painful, or make him any less reactive.”

 

“He wants to please, but he’s not sure how. He has a genius IQ, but he’s still a four year old. We’re going to have to walk a fine line between treating him like a kid and treating him like an adult. Too immature, and he’ll feel dismissed. Too mature, and he’ll be overwhelmed. If we thought working with adult Tony was hard, this is going to be damn near impossible,” Clint finishes, and there’s a few minutes of silence while everyone thinks about that.

 

“Fuck,” Bucky says quietly.

 

“Yeah. We better hope Pepper and Rhodey get here soon,” Bruce says. “For now, let’s get some sleep. JARVIS, let one of us know if Tony wakes up?”

 

“Of course, Dr. Banner.”

 

Bucky follows Steve into the elevator, heading back to their floor. Steve’s been unusually quiet, and Bucky waits, gives Steve the chance to start the conversation himself.

 

“I can’t believe Howard would do that to his own son,” Steve says, staring at the wall of the elevator in front of him, and Bucky sighs, putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

 

“You couldn’t have known, Steve. It’s that whole ‘behind closed doors’ thing. The person the public sees isn’t always the person they are at home.”

 

Steve shakes his head. “I should have known better. I should have-- I should have payed more attention, seen the signs in Tony. I always told myself I would fight bullies, but I think I’ve become one without realizing.”

 

The elevator doors open on their floor. “Look, Steve, everyone makes mistakes. The serum made us stronger, bigger, faster, but we’re still human. We’re still going to mess up. It just means that when we mess up, it’s usually on a bigger scale.”

 

“Yeah. You’re probably right.” Steve steps out of the elevator, turning down the hall towards his room. “Good night, Buck.”

 

Bucky steps out and turns the other way, towards his own room. “Good night, Steve.”


	4. Chapter 4

Rhodey shows up at 8am the next morning, walking into the communal floor kitchen to find Bruce and a kid sitting at the kitchen counter, eating Cheerios side by side and discussing the pros and cons of nuclear energy.

 

It takes a moment for Rhodey to recognize the kid. “Tony?”

 

The kid turns, looking Rhodey up and down (almost exactly the same way he had when Rhodey and Tony had met at MIT), frowning. “Sorry, sir, I don’t recognize you. Dr. Banner-- sorry, Bruce-- said that might happen, because of the accident.”

 

Rhodey tries to hold back the scream of confusion and panic in the back of his head. “I’m Rhodey. We’re friends. We met at MIT, and thanks to you I’m a superhero too, War Machine. Is it okay if I borrow Bruce for a second?”

 

Tony nods, and Rhodey leads Bruce out of the room, into the hallway where Tony can’t hear them. “What the fuck is going on?”

 

“We think Tony accidentally de-aged himself. We need all the help we can get, because none of us know as much about Tony as we claim to. I figured you and Pepper might know more.”

 

Rhodey sighs. “Yeah, that sounds like Tony. What age is he right now?”

 

“Four.”

 

Rhodey nods, thinking that through. “Okay, let’s see. At four, Tony made his first circuit board, was in the papers for the first time. Howard had already told him that Captain America would always be better than him, and the circuit board was him trying to get Howard to care about him. It didn’t work, because Howard threw the circuit board in the recycle as soon as the pictures had been taken for the papers.”

 

Bruce has to check his pulse to make sure he doesn't lose it. “Jesus Christ.”

 

“Yeah. You guys don’t know the half of it. Look, anyone else is fine, but for the love of god, keep Steve away from Tony. Anything, and I mean  _ anything _ , that Steve says or does is going to freak Tony out. Anyone who goes near him is going to need to have one hell of a poker face, because if Tony even  _ thinks _ that one of you is mad at him, he’s going to have a panic attack, or he’s going to bottle it up and have a panic attack later when he’s alone. He was barely hanging in there when I met him, and that was after his brain started to dissociate regularly. Four year old Tony wasn’t doing that yet. So if you’re not ready to put on as good of a front as Tony has for years now, then you shouldn’t go near him.”

 

Bruce nods. “Okay. Yeah, okay. So, are you going to--”

 

“Take over watching Tony? Yes, I am. Think you can start working on a way to reverse whatever it is Tony did to de-age himself?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Rhodey holds a hand out for Bruce to shake. “It’s always great talking to you, Bruce. At the very least, you don’t treat Tony like he’s evil or incompetent, and you don’t make stupid arguments. I’m grateful for that.”

 

Bruce shakes his hand and heads for the elevator, and Rhodey takes a deep breath, steeling himself before he goes in to talk to Tony. “JARVIS, you’ll share what I told Bruce with the others?”

 

“Already done, Colonel Rhodes.”

 

Rhodey nods. “Okay. Then let’s do this.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Yeah I definitely meant to update sooner, and then I just. Didn't. Sorry?
> 
> But welcome back! Hope you enjoy this chapter <3

Rhodey is really nice. That’s what Tony decides after spending a few hours with the man. Rhodey doesn’t ask him stupid questions, and Rhodey treats him like his age, and he seems to know exactly what Tony likes without even asking. Even Jarvis isn’t this good at predicting what Tony wants.

 

So Tony sits with Rhodey on the living room floor, using the Lego sets Clint had bought to build a miniature, to-scale replica of the Valkyrie, the ship Captain America had crashed to save all those people. Tony’s seen enough pictures of the ship to have a good idea of the ship’s dimensions and structural integrity, so making a replica is easy.

 

Rhodey’s also really smart, and he starts working on the second wing after watching Tony build the first wing for a few minutes, matching Tony almost block for block. Tony’s impressed; very few people, adults included, have ever been able to keep up with him, but Rhodey’s doing a pretty good job.

 

They’re working on the front of the plane when Natasha comes in, carrying two bowls of some kind of soup that Tony doesn't recognize.

 

“Come on, boys, lunch break,” she says, and Tony sits up, looking at the bowl she holds out to him while Rhodey takes the bowl he’s been handed.

 

“Thank you, ma’am, but I’m not hungry.” It’s only a partial lie; Tony is hungry, but he already had breakfast today, and he doesn’t want to think about how selfish it would look to just eat these people’s food without repaying them somehow, and he still doesn’t know what they all like and want, so he’s not going to make them something that might not be what they want. He can wait on food until he knows he’ll be able to give them something in return.

 

Natasha frowns. “You haven’t had lunch yet though, have you?”

 

Tony shakes his head, and he doesn’t know what’s wrong, but she’s frowning, so that’s not good, he upset her somehow. “No, ma’am, I’ve been working with Rhodey. I wouldn’t take anything without asking first.”

 

There’s a flash of something across Natasha’s face-- Tony doesn’t catch what it is-- but then she’s smiling, holding out the bowl again. “You don’t need to ask. All the food here is yours, you’re allowed to eat anything you want, whenever you want, okay? And you can just call me Natasha, or Nat.”

 

Tony knows that all of that is a lie, but she seems confident in making him believe it, so he nods, taking the bowl. “Okay. Thank you, Natasha.”

 

She nods, and then she leaves.

 

“She’s telling the truth,” Rhodey says, and Tony turns to look at him, confused, because it’s honestly like he keeps reading Tony’s mind, which maybe he is, because he did say he was a superhero too.

 

“About what?”

 

Rhodey gestures at the room. “Everything here is yours. I mean, sure, you could argue that everything on this floor is all of yours, but really, it’s yours, specifically. You made this tower, you designed it yourself, paid for it using the money you’ve made at Stark Industries, you even helped build parts of the tower yourself. You made the arc reactor that powers the building. All of this is you.”

 

Tony shakes his head. “No, that can’t be true. I don’t make things like this. I’ve never made anything this good.”

 

Rhodey’s eyes soften, just a little, and he smiles at Tony. “You have, Tony, and you will. Even your big brain can’t even begin to understand how amazing you are.”

 

Tony nods, because he doesn’t know what to say to that, but Rhodey looks like he really, really wants Tony to believe it, so at the very least Tony can pretend to believe it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I yeeted the intensity of the story up by a few notches. Sorry? (I'm not sorry.)

After Rhodey’s explanation, Bruce has JARVIS contact Pepper to update her on the current events, and ask her to not come, because as much as Pepper loves Tony, if Rhodey’s right that any sign of negative emotions will upset Tony, then Pepper won’t be able to help much.

 

Bruce heads down to Tony’s workshop, to see if he can figure out what Tony had been messing with that had caused him to de-age. He asks JARVIS to walk him through what Tony had been working on, playing back the video, but when Bruce approaches the table Tony had been working at right before the accident, he can’t figure out what could have done it.

 

Sure, Tony was working with alien tech, but as far as Bruce is concerned, none of it should have turned him into a four year old again. He rewatches the video hundreds of times, but none of it makes sense, and he definitely, definitely doesn’t want to try fiddling with anything himself, because he’s not sure what would happen, and he doesn't want to risk creating a de-aged Hulk. That wouldn’t be safe for anyone.

 

For that matter, Bruce doesn’t want a de-aged version of himself, either, because his younger self wouldn’t be much better than four year old Tony; anxious, fidgety, easily overwhelmed, convinced that he had done something wrong just by breathing… No. It won't help to think about that. Nothing good ever comes from thinking about that. Bruce shakes the thoughts off, staring at the equipment in front of him.

 

It’s 5pm, and he still doesn't have the slightest idea what to do. He needs to look at this differently. He can’t fidget with the tech, he doesn’t know what it would do to his body, what would happen to the gamma-- Fuck, it really is that simple, isn’t it? Bruce isn’t a mechanical engineer, he’s a doctor. Technology, he’s not sure what to do with, but a blood sample? That could work.

 

He heads back to the elevator. “JARVIS, can you take me to Tony please?”

 

“Certainly, Dr. Banner.”

 

JARVIS stops the elevator on the communal floor, and Bruce finds Rhodey, Natasha, Bucky, Clint, and Tony on the living room floor playing a game of Monopoly (which, based on the noises and dramatic gestures, Clint is losing miserably).

 

“Come on, that's not fair! Even real jails are easier to get out of than that,” Clint protests, and Bucky snorts, holding his hand out.

 

“It’s still fifty dollars to get out, so pay up, Barton.”

 

“You’re the worst, Barnes.”

 

Bruce knocks gently on the doorway, because he knows from experience that it’s just better to announce your presence ahead of time. “Hey guys, mind if I borrow Tony?”

 

The group looks up, and Tony stands. “Dr. Banner- Bruce, sorry- did I do something wrong?”

 

Bruce shakes his head. “No, I was just hoping I could get a quick blood sample from you, if that’s okay.”

 

Tony pales. “But, I thought you said I didn’t do anything wrong? I, I’m sorry, please, I’ll do better! I’ll do better, I promise, really, I can, I can make things! I shouldn’t have spent all day playing around, I can do better, please don’t, I’m sorry,” he rambles, and Bruce stares at him, frozen in shock.

 

“Whoa, hey bud, what’s going on?” Bucky asks, and Bruce is grateful for him, because he doesn’t even know where to begin with all of that.

 

Tony turns on Bucky, eyes pleading. “Please, don’t do any tests, I don’t want to, it hurt so bad last time, and Dad says it’s important, but I don’t want to, I really, really don’t want to, don’t make me, please,” he says, looking more and more panicked by the minute.

 

Natasha leans forward, holding a hand out to Tony. “Myshka, what tests are you talking about?”

 

That’s apparently enough to snap Tony out of whatever panic he’s in, because he stops talking, frowning at Natasha. “The-- the serum ones, the ones to try and make more people like Steve,” he says, and it’s official, Bruce can’t handle this.

 

He turns and storms out of the room, heading for the elevator, because if he has to hear any more of this right now, he’s honestly going to either turn green and attack someone, or he’s going to turn green and throw up. How deeply has Tony been burying all of this that even Natasha couldn’t tell that he’d been more than just emotionally abused? How long has this been going on? How has Tony not said anything before?

 

Bruce goes back to his personal floor, grabbing the weighted blanket Tony had made for him not long after they met and curling up in a ball on his bed under it, hoping that he can just disappear under the blanket’s weight. Clearly they have a lot to learn about Tony that they never knew before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have finished this story at 11 chapters, so here's my question for you all: would you prefer to have all of the remaining chapters posted at once, or spaced out more? Let me know in the comments, because either way is fine by me.
> 
> I'm not 100% satisfied with how it turned out, but I also know that if I drag it out it's just gonna sound terrible, so I figure I'll end the story while I'm kinda ahead? Yeah. Anyway, let me know whether you want all the rest of the chapters at once or if you want them spaced out!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	7. Chapter 7

After Bruce leaves the room, a few different things happen. Tony flinches, curling up into a ball and shaking, Natasha stands, moving as if she’s on autopilot, and tucks herself between the back of one of the couches and the wall. Clint follows her over, crouching down to talk to her, and Rhodey’s eyes go dark, mouth set in a hard line like he wishes he could go back in time and punch Howard himself. Bucky knows the feeling.

 

More important, however, is Tony, and Bucky holds his arms out towards the kid. “Can I give you a hug?” he asks, and Tony answers by flinging himself into Bucky’s lap, curling up there with his face buried in Bucky’s shirt as he sobs. Bucky wraps his arms around him, holding him tight and murmuring reassurances into his hair.

 

He’s reminded of the years he spent holding onto Steve, because even though Steve grumbled at him and claimed to hate it, he would still nuzzle his way into a more comfortable position in Bucky’s lap and then fall asleep in Bucky’s arms, snoring lightly.

 

Bucky just holds Tony, lets him get out all of his emotions, until Tony finally looks up, taking in the room and frowning over at the corner Clint and Natasha are in.

 

“I upset Natasha. I’m sorry, I should have just done the tests,” Tony says quietly, and Bucky shakes his head.

 

“No, that’s not why she’s upset. She’s had people do similar things to her, and it traumatized her. She’s not upset with you, she’s upset with your dad for hurting you like that in the first place.”

 

Tony nods. He doesn't look like he actually believes Bucky, but there’s not a lot Bucky can do to convince Tony to believe him. He knows how long it took for him to learn for himself that what Hydra did to him was wrong, and that it wasn’t his fault, and he’s sure that Tony will have to go through a similar process on his own.

 

“Hey Tony.”

 

Bucky and Tony both turn to look at Rhodey, Tony turning in Bucky’s arms.

 

Rhodey smiles, and Bucky’s once again blown away by how good Rhodey is at controlling his emotions, because for someone who was never a spy, he’s certainly got the whole ‘change emotions in under 30 seconds’ thing down. “Do you want to build a toy car with me? I know some kids at the local children’s hospital that could really use something to cheer them up.”

 

Tony lights up at the opportunity to do something useful (and really, doesn’t that just shatter Bucky’s heart, that the thing that makes him happier is being useful), and Tony nods. “Yeah, okay! We can make all sorts of cars. What kind do you think they’d want? What are we gonna make them out of?”

 

“I don’t know, we’ll have to see what’s down in that workshop of yours. Ready?” Rhodey stands, holding a hand out to Tony.

 

Bucky drops his arms away from him, and Tony jumps up, taking Rhodey’s hand. Tony looks back at Natasha and Clint still in the corner and hesitates. “Are they going to be okay?”

 

“They’ll be okay. Clint and Natasha have known each other for a very long time, so they’ll work it out,” Rhodey reassures him, and Tony nods.

 

“Okay. Bye, Bucky,” Tony says, waving, and Bucky waves back, watches them leave. God, taking care of a young Tony is a lot harder than he thought it would be, in a lot of ways he hadn’t imagined.


	8. Chapter 8

Tony and Rhodey make a lot of toy cars; by the time they emerge from the workshop, they’ve got at least twenty toy cars, each one customized in a slightly different way, which the team discovers when Tony and Rhodey come up to the communal floor with the cars in a box, Rhodey claiming that the only way to make sure the cars work is to test them ‘in the field.’

 

Clint is well aware that this is a lie, even with his very limited knowledge of engineering, but he’s also guessing that this is Rhodey’s way of convincing Tony that playing with the cars is allowed. Clint will admit that he hadn’t expected a young Tony to be like this. He’d expected a noisy, over excited kid with too many ideas and no verbal filter.

 

Instead, he’d found himself watching a kid that had clearly been abused, and who even Natasha hadn’t been able to get a good read on, which is terrifying in itself; in all the years Clint’s known Natasha, she’s never once been less than 97% accurate on every aspect of a person, and yet she doesn’t seem to be even 50% accurate in her assessment of Tony. Clint wonders just how much more Tony’s been hiding from all of them.

 

He’s glad, at the very least, that young Tony still seems to trust Rhodey as much as adult Tony does, because he doesn’t know what they would have done if Rhodey hadn’t been able to help. So he settles down on the couch beside Bucky to watch Tony and Rhodey’s ‘field tests’ of the toy cars, lining each one up on the floor.

 

Some of the cars are remote controlled, others are wind-up, and even others are voice activated. Clint watches as Tony says something (he can’t catch it, hearing aids or not, especially because he’s used to reading adult Tony’s lips, not young Tony’s) and the fifth car in the line up goes flying across the carpet, stopping half an inch in front of one of the chairs. Rhodey winds up another and lets it go flying towards the hallway.

 

Tony’s just wound up and released one of the cars when Steve steps into the room, and the car crashes into the side of Steve’s foot. Tony looks up, mouth open to say something, but whatever he was about to say never comes when Tony realizes who he’s looking at, flinching.

 

Tony scrambles to his feet, hands behind his back in what would be a great parade rest if he weren’t also cowering like he’s scared to be hit, and with their apparent lack of knowledge about Tony’s parents, Clint’s not sure whether or not Tony actually thinks he’s going to be hit.

 

Clint turns to gauge Steve’s reaction. Steve’s face tightens, like he’s mad but trying not to be, and he says something to the room, then turns and walks right back out.

 

Clint taps Bucky’s shoulder, and Bucky turns to him, looking like he feels like an idiot. “What’s going on?” Clint signs.

 

“We’re idiots, that’s what’s going on,” Bucky signs back. “Steve said we should call Sam. I don’t know why we didn’t think to do that in the first place.”

 

“Why would we call Sam?”

 

“Because he’s a therapist, he could help.”

 

Clint smacks his own forehead, feeling like a dumbass. “You’re right. Fuck. Call Sam.”

 

* * *

 

Sam, Rhodey, and Bucky, as it turns out, are a damn good team. Tony already trusts Rhodey implicitly, and he seems to trust Bucky just as much. This had confused Bucky, but the one time Bucky had told Tony that he wasn’t exactly safe to be around, Tony had just shaken his head, told him “You’re my friend, and you’re nice. You’re safe,” and Bucky had gotten a little choked up and had left it at that.

 

When Sam arrives, Tony bonds to him almost as quickly. Sam shows up with a ridiculous number of grocery bags, nodding his head towards the kitchen. “Tony, Bucky, Rhodey, get your asses in here, we’re making dinner, because I’m hungry and if you two engineers are as good with food as you are with machines, we’re never letting you leave the kitchen again.”

 

Natasha watches them from the kitchen counter, drinking a cup of tea. She can honestly admit that she’s never met someone like Tony who could keep their secrets so close to their chest, both literally and figuratively, that Natasha couldn’t figure them out, so she’s both concerned about Tony and curious to learn more about him.

 

Sam lays out the ingredients, quickly putting each person on a different task. They work quickly and efficiently, switching tasks as they figure out that one person is better at a particular task than another. Tony, as it turns out, is amazing at slicing things into even slices, Rhodey is good at judging the exact amount of something needed, Bucky can crush anything necessary, and Sam has the time each thing will take to cook down to a science.

 

They’ve almost finished making everything (it’s a lot of food, when you have both a Norse god and two supersoldiers on the team) when Tony drops a plate, the ceramic shattering on the floor. Tony immediately drops to his knees, picking up pieces as fast as he can. “I’m sorry,” he says, and he sounds like he’s going to cry. “I didn’t mean to, I’ll, I’ll clean it up, it won’t take long, I promise.”

 

“Whoa, slow down,” Sam says, moving across the kitchen carefully towards Tony, avoiding the broken pieces.

 

Tony shakes his head. “It’s okay, please, it’ll only take a minute, I’m sorry!” He must cut his hand on one of the broken pieces, because he hisses, and then there’s a few drops of blood on the tile. “I’ll clean up the blood, too, it won’t leave a stain, I--”

 

“Hey, stop,” Sam says, crouching down in front of Tony and taking his hands gently. “I need you to look at me, okay?”

 

Tony looks up at Sam, eyes wide and panicked.

 

“I’ll clean this up. It’s no big deal,” Sam says quickly, when Tony looks like he’s going to protest, “I just would feel better if Rhodey checked to make sure you’re not too badly hurt, okay? Accidents happen. I dropped an entire bowl of mac and cheese two days ago, had to throw away the bowl and everything, all because I got distracted by a pigeon outside my window. It’s okay.”

 

Tony looks confused, but he nods. “Okay.”

 

“Awesome. Can I pick you up so Bucky can carry you out of here?”

 

Tony nods, so Sam picks him up, one arm under his knees and the other supporting his back, and hands him over to Bucky, who carries him towards the bathroom, Rhodey following them.

 

Sam starts to clean up the broken pieces, and Natasha takes the moment alone to talk to him.

 

“What are you thinking?” she asks, and Sam looks up at her, shrugging.

 

“He’s got a lot going on in that head of his. Right now, he just needs support, people to trust and some stability. I don’t want to ask what his trauma is, because he’s just a kid. The important thing is keeping him feeling safe and supported until we can figure out a way to get him back to normal. Any luck with that so far?”

 

Natasha shakes her head. “We’ve only been doing this for three days or so now? And Bruce has no ideas, neither does Rhodey. Either one of them could probably figure it out if they actually worked with the tech Tony was working on, but they don’t want to mess with it, for obvious reasons.”

 

Sam nods. “Well, let’s just hope they figure something out soon. In the meantime, let’s get everyone down here for dinner. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m hungry.”


	9. Chapter 9

Bucky thinks dinner is going well, all things considered. Tony’s hands are fine, nothing a bandaid couldn’t fix, same with his knees, where he’d accidentally kneeled on parts of the broken plate in his haste to pick it up.

 

Bucky doesn’t say much at dinner, mostly keeps one eye on Tony and the other on Steve, because while he knows Steve is coming from a good place, he also knows that Steve is a complete idiot, and tends to do and say things without thinking.

 

He doesn’t have to worry, because Steve is carefully silent all dinner long, clearly doing his best to keep a non threatening smile on his face, and Bucky’s just glad that the punk is able to learn occasionally. They’re maybe halfway through dinner when Tony’s curiosity seems to get the better of him.

 

“What does it do?” Tony asks, pointing at where Mjolnir is on the floor by Thor’s seat.

 

“Well, it does a lot of things. It helps me fight, I can throw it and it comes back to me, that sort of thing,” Thor explains, and Tony tilts his head to the side.

 

“Like a boomerang? But how does it work? It looks really heavy.”

 

Thor nods. “Well, it’s made from the heart of a dying star, and it’s enchanted. You can examine it, if you’d like.”

 

Tony hesitates, but then stands up, walking over to look at the hammer. He circles it a few times, running his hands along the handle and the etched patterns on the sides, then goes to lift it so he can get a better look at the bottom.

 

“Oh, you won’t be able to--” Thor starts, but he stops when Tony picks Mjolnir up, tipping it to one side so he can look more closely at it.

 

The entire table goes silent, and Tony looks up, eyes wide. “I-I’m sorry, did I do something wrong?”

 

“I… No, you didn’t, it’s just. Only someone who is worthy can pick it up,” Thor says, and Tony frowns.

 

“But that doesn’t make sense. I just moved it, so that can’t be true. There must be some kind of trick.” Tony goes to set Mjolnir back down, and accidentally drops it the last inch or so, flinching as soon as he’s done it. He’s having a panic attack faster than Bucky can process what’s happening, Rhodey already crouching on the floor in front of him.

 

“Deep breaths, Tones, okay? Breathe with me, yeah?”

 

The idea pops into Bucky’s head, and he immediately feels dumb. “Holy shit. I need to make a call.”

 

Bruce frowns. “To who?”

 

“Shuri.”

 

Bruce’s eyes go wide. “Oh my god. We’re complete idiots.”

 

Bucky stands. “Yep. You want to help me make this call?”

 

Bruce starts following him to the elevator. “Yeah. Let’s go to Tony’s workshop, Shuri might be able to figure it out just by looking at what he was working with.”


	10. Chapter 10

“You definitely should have called me sooner,” Shuri says when Bruce explains the situation. “But sure, show me what he was working with.”

 

Bucky pans the camera to the table of equipment, and Shuri looks at it for a few minutes. “Hmm. Yeah, that should reverse it. Okay, I think I know what you need to do. Can you get Tony to the workshop?”

 

JARVIS informs Rhodey, and Rhodey and Tony come down to the workshop a minute later, Tony looking very nervous. “Hey Tony,” Shuri says, “To get you back to normal, we’re going to have to replicate the accident in reverse. It’s going to hurt.”

 

Tony nods, even though he looks like he’s going to pass out. “Okay. I understand.”

 

“Okay. Bucky, get me a good view of the table and the room. Rhodey, Bruce, I’m going to need you two to follow what I tell you, and Tony, can you stand about 3 meters away from where Bucky’s recording? Perfect. Alright, Bruce, I need you to wire the two pieces on your right together…”

 

They get everything set up in twenty minutes, and Shuri looks at the finished product on the screen, nodding. “Good. Alright, aim at Tony, and activate the white switch.” Shuri looks at Tony. “I’m sorry, this really is going to hurt.”

 

Tony smiles. “It’s okay ma’am, I’ve been hurt worse before. Besides, I’m not helpful at this size.”

 

Bruce takes a deep breath, then activates the switch. A beam of light strikes Tony, spreading across his body until he’s wrapped in a strange, flickering light, screaming.

 

“Stop! Stop, stop, I know I’m not Captain America, I’m sorry, dad, I’m sorry,” Tony cries, and his form starts to grow, voice dropping lower, pleas changing.

 

“You know I can’t tell you that, no, get off of me, stop,” he says, followed by a sound that might be a groan but also might be a moan.

 

Then Tony starts to cough, wheezing like he can’t breathe. “I won’t, I’m not going to build it, I won’t, I can’t,” he splutters, “please, stop, please.”

 

The light starts to fade, and then it disappears entirely, Tony dropping to his knees on the ground, chest heaving. He’s back to his normal age, and he almost immediately looks up, clambering to his feet and running from the room.

 

“Is he okay? JARVIS?” Bruce asks, watching the door swing shut behind Tony.

 

“Sir appears to be in significant psychological distress, but appears to have returned to his current age and body, if that is what you’re asking,” JARVIS says.

 

Bruce nods, turns back to the video call. “Thank you, Shuri.”

 

“Of course. Take care. I think Tony will need your help these next few days.” The call disconnects, and Bruce slumps into the nearest chair with a sigh.

 

Bucky sets down the video monitor. “So, what now?”

 

“Now,” Rhodey says, “we try to deal with an adult Tony who probably doesn’t ever want to talk about what happened in the last few days ever again.”

 

“Fuck,” Bucky says.

 

“Yeah, that about sums it up.”


	11. Chapter 11

Tony hides on his personal floor for two weeks. He runs out of food to make by the fifth day, but is too terrified to run into anyone on the communal floor that he doesn’t leave his floor for another nine days.

 

Instead he lays in bed, simultaneously tries to ignore the memories of his few days as a four year old and tries to remember everything he might have said or done, and he works on hundreds of projects, upgrades for the team’s weapons and armor and new weapons and armor entirely.

 

By the end of the second week, however, Tony finally caves, realizes that as much as he’d like to, he actually can’t live on nothing but coffee, and he’s going to have to get food from the communal floor.

 

He asks JARVIS who all is on the communal floor, and immediately regrets asking, because it’s the entire team, but Tony doesn’t have much of a choice, because he really, really needs to eat. He hadn’t eaten nearly enough as his four year old self, and before that he’d been on a three week inventing binge that meant he’d barely eaten for that entire time frame either. Tony’s body is running on empty and he knows it.

 

Tony takes the elevator to the communal floor, walking directly to the kitchen to avoid everyone in the living room. He’s almost convinced himself that he’s succeeded in avoiding them and he can just grab some chinese takeout and go back to his floor when Bucky walks into the kitchen. Great.

 

“Hey, how’s it going, Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies?” Tony greets, not looking up from the fridge.

 

“Fine. How are you doing?” Bucky leans against the counter, and Tony grabs what he wants, closing the fridge.

 

“Good, good. So, I’ll see you later,” he says, walking past Bucky.

 

“Please wait.”

 

Tony turns, sighing. “Look, can we just pretend that never happened? It was embarrassing, it was stupid, and it’s over, so can we just move on?”

 

“You know we can’t do that, Tones.”

 

Damn it. “Honey bear!” Tony turns, grinning, but the grin is wiped off of his face when he sees Rhodey’s expression.

 

Tony slumps. “Fine, we’ll talk about it. Can I at least heat up my food first?”

 

“I got it. Go sit down, you look like you’re going to collapse,” Rhodey says, and that’s his no nonsense voice, so Tony just heads to the living room, plops himself on the opposite corner of the couch from Steve, and waits.

 

Rhodey brings Tony a heaping plate of food with all of Tony’s favorites exactly the way Tony likes them, bless Rhodey’s soul, and Rhodey and Bucky both sit down, the rest of the team already gathered.

 

Tony takes a few minutes to start eating, then looks up. “So how do you all want to start this conversation?”

 

“What happened to you as a kid?” Natasha asks, and well, at least she gets to the point.

 

“Dad yelled at me a lot, occasionally hit me. Tried to recreate the supersoldier serum using me, failed, obviously. What else?”

 

“Why were you so scared of me?”

 

Tony shakes his head. “You don’t want the answer to that question, Steve.”

 

“I think I need to know, whether I want to hear it or not,” Steve says, and he looks so determined that Tony decides he wants Steve to know, just to see his face crumble for once.

 

“Dad loved you more. That’s why he tried the serum on me. Said he wanted me to be you, and if I couldn’t be you, I could at least be useful in creating the next person like you. Told me that you would have hated me, because I was selfish and stupid and annoying and wasteful. Turns out he was right, except it would happen 70 years later.”

 

Steve flinches. Now Tony can’t help it. He wants to keep pushing.

 

“I started studying engineering and thermodynamics and physics at 3 years old because Howard found me with a toy car and said I needed to focus on things that actually mattered, stop acting like a baby and man up. Stark men are made of iron, after all. He was particularly mean every time he came back from searching for you. I was never good enough. If he wasn’t yelling at me, he was ignoring me. I was never sure which was worse.”

 

“When you were aging back to normal, you said something about ‘get off of me,’ did Howard…?” Bruce starts, and Tony shakes his head, laughs.

 

“No, he didn’t. That was Sunset Bain, a woman I met at MIT. She wanted security codes to Stark Industries. She used some… unique methods to get them. Guess the re-aging kind of led me on a memories tour.”

 

“And what was the wheezing, at the end? You sounded like you couldn’t breathe,” Bucky says, and Tony shrugs.

 

“Afghanistan. They tortured me. Dunked my head under water while I was still hooked up to a car battery to stay alive. I had to strain to keep the battery away from the water, but then I also kept getting dunked, so it got hard to breathe. Inhaled water more than once.”

 

When the questions stop for the moment, Tony goes back to eating his food. He clears the plate, then looks around the room. “Any other questions?”

 

“How have you been hiding all of this for so long?” Natasha asks, and Tony turns to face her, shrugging.

 

“Years of practice? That’s how you do the spy thing, right?”

 

Natasha nods slowly. “Essentially. But I’ve never seen someone hide things that well. Never.”

 

“Well, call it a talent. I don’t know. I just did it. I had to. Does that clear things up, folks?”

 

“I’m so sorry,” Steve says suddenly, and everyone turns to look at him. “Howard treated you like shit, because of me, and then I treated you exactly the way he said I would, and I’ve been such an asshole.”

 

“Language, Cap,” Tony says, but even he can tell that the joke falls flat. “Look, it is what it is. Can we move on now? Because all I want is more food, and maybe a movie night. Can we have a movie night? I’ll even approve Dumbo as our movie choice, for birdbrain’s sake.”

 

Clint smiles. “Actually, how do you feel about The Lion King?”

 

“You’re on, Barton. But first, food. JARVIS, place my normal order with Sushi Nakazawa?”

 

“Done, Sir.”

 

“Awesome. Lion King it is then.”

**Author's Note:**

> idea based on [ this tumblr post ](https://buckyusuallytopstony.tumblr.com/post/178867283746/its-all-avengers-buckyusuallytopstony)


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